A small piece of creative writing about the current YouTube kid’s content situation. It’s a rough draft, but I dream to see it fleshed out into an actual video. In case it isn’t made clear by my limited writing skills, this serves as both a parody of a toy ad and a satire about the situation. Specifically, overreach and the appearance that something is ‘kid’s content’ can be deceiving.
ACTION FIGURE COMMERCIAL
A logo appears on a sandy hill
“The Tube Troopers”
Hey, kids! Now you can play as your favorite content creators!
Here’s ToyBoy – the toy and collectible reviewer extraordinaire!
YOUNG BOY 1
(giving ‘adult’ voice to ToyBoy figure)
I give this toy five stars!
Ani-man – this cartoonist delights you with his monthly uploads!
YOUNG BOY 2
(Smiling at camera, holding Ani-man figure)
I love cartoons!
Gam*R – this video game playing live streaming cyborg never needs to sleep!
YOUNG BOY 3
(looking at Gam*R)
I can watch him all day!
And the Tube Troopers trusty leader, Carmen Sense, who loves to teach you right from wrong.
(using Carmen Sense figure to talk to ToyBoy and Ani-man)
Now, was that a good decision or a bad decision? Come on, let’s learn a new song about saying sorry!
But now, the Tube Troopers have to face their toughest enemy yet, the FTC!
(One figure in a business suit flanked by two fatigued soldier figures on either side)
BUSINESS SUITED FIGURE – FTC
I’m shutting you down, Tube Troopers! With the help of my COPPA commandos!
Wait! Most of my viewers are at least teenag-oof!
(Kicks Ani-Man in the chest, knocking him over)
I primarily talk about nostalgia properties! My last review was a $250 collectible figure! My channel isn’t directed at children!
It’s too late for that! You are in violation!
(Commando 2 pulls ToyBoy’s head from the figure)
Does not compute! My analytics show a small community of adult viewership. I mostly play ‘M’ rated shooters.
(Commando 1 and 2 hold Gam*r by the arms on either side)
Don’t you also have Minecraft and Lego games on your channel?
Silly robot, bricks are for kids.
(Commando 3 empties his machine gun magazine into Gam*r)
(on her knees, crying)
Why? Why are you doing this?
It’s the law and there’s nothing you can do about it!
I-I was only trying to help people…
NOT ON MY WATCH!
(FTC AND THE COPPA COMMANDOS STOMP CARMEN SENSE TO DEATH)