A small piece of creative writing about the current YouTube kid’s content situation. It’s a rough draft, but I dream to see it fleshed out into an actual video. In case it isn’t made clear by my limited writing skills, this serves as both a parody of a toy ad and a satire about the situation. Specifically, overreach and the appearance that something is ‘kid’s content’ can be deceiving.
ACTION FIGURE COMMERCIAL
EXT. Playground
A logo appears on a sandy hill
“The Tube Troopers”
SUNG/YELLED CHORUS
Tube Troopers!
ANNOUNCER
Hey, kids! Now you can play as your favorite content creators!
Here’s ToyBoy – the toy and collectible reviewer extraordinaire!
YOUNG BOY 1
(giving ‘adult’ voice to ToyBoy figure)
I give this toy five stars!
ANNOUNCER
Ani-man – this cartoonist delights you with his monthly uploads!
YOUNG BOY 2
(Smiling at camera, holding Ani-man figure)
I love cartoons!
ANNOUNCER
Gam*R – this video game playing live streaming cyborg never needs to sleep!
YOUNG BOY 3
(looking at Gam*R)
I can watch him all day!
ANNOUNCER
And the Tube Troopers trusty leader, Carmen Sense, who loves to teach you right from wrong.
YOUNG GIRL
(using Carmen Sense figure to talk to ToyBoy and Ani-man)
Now, was that a good decision or a bad decision? Come on, let’s learn a new song about saying sorry!
ANNOUNCER
But now, the Tube Troopers have to face their toughest enemy yet, the FTC!
(One figure in a business suit flanked by two fatigued soldier figures on either side)
BUSINESS SUITED FIGURE – FTC
I’m shutting you down, Tube Troopers! With the help of my COPPA commandos!
ANI-MAN
Wait! Most of my viewers are at least teenag-oof!
COMMANDO 1
Doesn’t matter!
(Kicks Ani-Man in the chest, knocking him over)
TOYBOY
I primarily talk about nostalgia properties! My last review was a $250 collectible figure! My channel isn’t directed at children!
COMMANDO 2
It’s too late for that! You are in violation!
(Commando 2 pulls ToyBoy’s head from the figure)
GAM*R
Does not compute! My analytics show a small community of adult viewership. I mostly play ‘M’ rated shooters.
(Commando 1 and 2 hold Gam*r by the arms on either side)
COMMANDO 3
Don’t you also have Minecraft and Lego games on your channel?
GAM*R
(nervously)
Y-Y-Y-Yes
COMMANDO 3
Silly robot, bricks are for kids.
(Commando 3 empties his machine gun magazine into Gam*r)
CARMEN SENSE
(on her knees, crying)
Why? Why are you doing this?
FTC
It’s the law and there’s nothing you can do about it!
CARMEN SENSE
I-I was only trying to help people…
FTC
NOT ON MY WATCH!
(FTC AND THE COPPA COMMANDOS STOMP CARMEN SENSE TO DEATH)
SUNG CHORUS
Tube Troopers!
End
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